The Dynamic of a Family


      No one has a big family anymore.  Years ago people had a big family.  The reasons for a big family was so they can work together on the farm.  Another reason for big family was so one of the kids can take care of the parents in their old age.

There is five of us kids here but there actually was 7 kids in my family.

One of the reason why people today don’t have a big family is they can’t afford it.

Big family was the in-things.  In the European country and even China, you would find more than one generations living in one home.

In my mother’s family, there was 11 kids, 2 died as a baby.  So you see I have a lot of cousins on my mother’s side, not counting my real father’s side of the family and step-dad’s side’s the family.  I love all my cousins.  Even those that would be consider black sheep.  Most of my cousins are older than me.  There is only about 4 or 5 younger than me.  My cousin, Nancy would say that I was her baby.  My cousin, Nels, called me his baby brother.  Then when my cousin, Laura came along, I called her my baby.

I don’t want to go into detail about this because this isn’t about my family.  It’s just a reference for this blog.

As I said before, my mother was never on welfare.  When she had me, my grandmother lived with us and help take care of me; so that my mother could keep me and still work.  Family did that and still do that for each other.

Years ago, it was uncalled for, for a woman to have a child out-of-wedlock.  They were a disgrace to the family.  My step-dad’s real mother had to give him up.  He was first put in an orphanage, before being adopted.

That was in the 1920’s.  Look how things had change since then.  I mean, I was born in ’60’s, a part of sexual revolution; and it wasn’t as much as a disgrace as it was back then.

Now days it is so common.  In my graduating class from Hawley, MN, in 1984; we had 3 girls that got pregnant before being married.  2 of them had gotten married in high school, but one was single mother throughout high school.

They say that there is no family value anymore.  Is that good or bad?

It depends on how you look at it.  Sure we lack some family values.  But there are some that should be lost.

Years ago, people stayed married until death do them part.  They stayed together despite of all the problems.

Today, the old joke is, “lawyers are outtalking preachers.”  No one stays together anymore.  Then again if a person is in a bad marriage why stick it out.  Why should the wives stay in an abusive relationship when they don’t have to.

My folks been married 40 years and believe me  it was no bed of roses for her.  She could had gotten a divorce and gotten the kids.  Even though she was an independent woman, she was also co-dependent.  She would used the accused, he never cheated and he never physically abuse her.  But there were emotional and mental abuse.

The reason my mother never married my real father was because she caught him cheating.

There are a lot of single family out there now.  It’s so common.  Just that mean that there is no family value?

Is the family unit of the past dead and gone?

A family unit consist of a mother, a father, and the kids.

Like I said in the beginning, people had big family; and they don’t do that anymore.  They usually have 1 or 2 kids.  They can’t afford a big family.  There are even families that are entwine with each others.  I’m talking about, his, hers, and theirs.

Years ago they had big houses because they had big family, so it made sense.  Have you ever noticed, people are starting to have big houses without having a big family.  Why do they need a big house?

I think it is the prestige of it.  It’s the keeping up with the Jones attitude.

As big as my family was, we never had a big house.  So our house was clamp during the holidays.  In that picture, we were living in a house in North Fargo.  I had my own bedroom, just off the kitchen, my sisters had one bedroom on the opposite end of the living room across from our folks.  Two of my brothers had their bedroom in the basement.

When we moved to West Fargo, in a trailer house, I shared a room with my one brother; while the other 2 were grown up.

Even the house on the farm wasn’t a big house for all of us kids.

When it came to holidays, my mother set the table buffet style and we would sit anywhere.

One thing back then parents pretty knew where their kids were.  They knew their neighbors.  Now days people doesn’t know their neighbors.  Kids didn’t need a cell phone.  If the parents needed to get a hold of the kids, they would either call the neighbors, the school, or the older kids that were watching the younger kids.  Now days kids as young as 8 have a cell phone.  Now that is way too young.  They are not responsible enough to have a cell phone.  They should have to work if they want a cell phone.

Kids were outside playing; rather than indoor playing on the computers.  The computers and TV are the babysitters.

They say that North Dakota is a good place to raise a family.  Who’s watching the kids though.

As you can tell from the picture, I was happy to have a family back then.  It wasn’t all happiness though.  My family is dysfunctional.  I love my family to a point.  There are some members in my family that I would love to disown.  There is black sheep in my family.  There are even cousins that considered to be black sheep.