What the Heart Wants?

Have you ever been in love? Would you know it if you were?

If you’re anything like me, you probably didn’t recognized the feelings of being in love. The love of your life may had passed you by and you didn’t noticed it. You missed the opportunity with your soul mate.

There have been my share of women in my life. I just never was able to get over the hump and get married. I may not know what love is but I know what love ain’t. I just wasn’t able to recognize the feelings of being in love with someone.

You don’t want to go to fast with a woman, you may scare her away. Yet at the same time, if you go to slow, you might lose out altogether. What is too fast or too slow?

Have you ever had your face slapped or kick in your balls by a woman?

When I was in Junior High, there was a girl named, Janet; that I had a crushed on back in the sixth grade. The next year, few of my classmates knew about that crush, so they encouraged me at act on that feeling. They held her down outside the school as I was on top of her, kissing her. That was when I had my face slapped by her afterward.

Now days it would be considered sexual harassment. Back then, it was a part of growing up for teenage boys, learning the facts of life.

So I can empathy with Brett Kavanaugh, when he was accused of sexual harassment when being considered for the Supreme Court. It was a different time back then.

Have you ever went through peer pressure as an young man? Have you ever been pressured by other guys to act on or say something?

When I was going to NDSU, there was a young woman named, Susan. I was a freshman in college and she was a little older. She was a member of the NDSU Goldstar Band. I would say that we were friends. We would eat supper together in the college dining room for our dorms located near it. One time we went roller skating at Skateland. While we were roller skating, we were holding hands skating around the rink. I’m not a good roller skater.

It was after that so-called date or friends just hanging out, whatever you want to call it. Some of the college boys in my dorm, I was staying in, commented that we were an item and I should make my move. They peer pressured me. Since I was peer pressured, I asked her to see how far our relationship was going. I didn’t follow my heart because I didn’t recognized the feeling of love. It may had put a damper on our friendship. Maybe, if I didn’t fall for peer pressure and let the relationship flow naturally, it could had been differently. What do you think?

Was there someone that you just enjoyed listening to the sound of their voice on the phone when you talk?

My mother told me that she loved listening to my step-dad’s voice on the phone while they were dating.

In a way, I went through a similar situation. Before I met a woman named, Holly, we talked on the phone quite a bit. I loved talking to her on the phone and listening to her sweet voice. I even fantasied us being married and having kids together. I also realized that it wasn’t a healthy relationship for us. One time I dreamt that we were married and had 2 sons. She was having a nervous breakdown and the boys were not helping any. To help her, I separated the boys by taking the older one away.

When we finally had gotten together, I was able to see how that relationship would never really work. Even though, I enjoyed talking to her on the phone, the feelings for each other wasn’t there.

Just a few short years later, I received a letter with a picture of a son she finally had with someone else. Believe me, that old feeling came back to me. I wished that things would had worked out and that would had been my son. Was that natural to think like that?

Most recently, there was a young woman named Danielle; who lived a few doors down from my old apartment, a few years ago. Sure she had her set of problems and the relationship probably wouldn’t have been very healthy. She grew up near Brainerd, Minnesota. Anyway, I have been to her apartment and she was in mine. One day, as she was upset talking on my phone to someone; and when she was done, I asked, “It looks like you needs a hug.” She accepted and we hugged each. It felt so good! She helped me decorate my apartment for Christmas. Then one time I made a strawberry margarita and brought it over to her apartment.

Shortly after that, she was forced to moved out and I lost contact with her. I may had lost more than that. I lost a chance to see how that relationship would had went between us. I was attracted to her and enjoyed her company but didn’t recognized the feelings of intimate love. I was afraid to move to fast; and I lost the chance to see where that relationship would had taken me.

These are just a few examples of close-call relationships I had because I wasn’t able to distinguish that emotion of actually being in love. I know about the birds and the bees but when it comes to love that’s a different story.

When a man loves a woman, how can they really know?

Am I alone with this? Are there other guys who struggle with this?

Guys, tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, if you have a wife or girlfriend, treat her right; not just on that day but all year long.

I wish I didn’t miss the opportunity to have gotten married; but I did. I love them, everyone; I just couldn’t bring myself admit the love.