Everybody has a story to tell. I’m taking a risk in sharing my story with you all. This will be my testimony to how I came to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior. There will be a disclaimer in this blog. There may be some stuff in this blog that you may find very disturbing. It involved a secret from my childhood.

It was back in late August-early September of 1990. It started in stages.

The first stage was when I saw the mini-series, “I Know My First Name is Steven.” It was a true story about a boy around 10 years old who was kidnapped and molested by his captor. That movie holds a special part to my testimony.

As I have mentioned before, I was born to a single mother up until I was 5 going on 6 years when she married my step-dad, who was more of a dad to me than my real father. I got an instant family in the process; who I loved dearly despite of the faults. I was so happy to get brothers and sisters. I even excitedly bragged about my new brothers and sisters to anyone who would listen.

Maybe this is one of the reason I kept the secret for so long because I didn’t want to break up the family.

This is going to be hard because I don’t know how you are going to react to what you are about to read.

I was around 8 years old and shared a bedroom and bed with my step-brother, Ronny. We were living in West Fargo at the time. I was molested by him as we slept together. The abuse lasted off and on for about 2 years give-and-take. I was scared and confused. I trusted and loved him. I was so excited to have a brother. I won’t get into the whole eerie of the abuse; because I don’t want to gross anyone out.

I mean sexual abuse among boys is much more difficult to talk about. Boys are more likely to be afraid of being judge or not believed. They feel ashamed and less than a person. Since it was between a boy and a boy, there is the fear of being judged as a homosexual act. Plus boys are taught not to cry, toughen up.

The abuse would happened when we were in bed and he would make sure I kept quiet if anyone would walk by the room. It even happened on our summer vacation going out West. I don’t need to say anymore. I think you get the message.

Because of the sexual abuse, I had suffered with depression, and got hooked on aspirins. I was trying to cover-up the pain. I would even pretend to be someone else; so I wouldn’t have to deal with the pain of the sexual abuse. I could have won an Emmy or an Oscar. The family didn’t knew about it until years later.

Now back to 1990, and the second stage of my testimony. I was flipping through the television channel and came upon Televangelist Dwight Thompson. For some reason, I couldn’t turn the channel. It was like something got a hold of me. I was never big on Televangelist because of their reputation.

Then one night, he was preaching on Luke 15:11-24. It was on the Prodigal Son. I could relate to the Prodigal Son because I once was lost but now am found. It was during the night, I was awaken to a voice speaking to me. It was the Lord and He said, “He always loved me.” I came to accept the Lord with tears in my eyes. That was my first encounter with Jesus, my Lord and Savior.

I was baptized as a baby in the Catholic Church and went through Confirmation classes in the Lutheran church. As a teenager, I doubted God ever loved me. I felt if He loved me, why did He allowed me to be abandoned my real father and molested. After the conversion, I was rebaptized by being submerge in water, the true baptism.

Around this time, I started seeking counseling for the abuse I suffered. The counselor even told me, “God doesn’t make junk.”

Later on, down the road, I was able to forgive my real father for abandoning me when I was 2 years old. I was even able to forgive my step-brother for molesting me. It doesn’t mean I fully trust him.

I’m not sharing this story to get sympathy. I may have been a victim of child sexual abuse; but now I’m a survivor.

Whatever you do, don’t judge me!!

Like I mentioned in the beginning, we all have a story to tell. If this story speaks to you; you too can be a survivor instead of a victim. If somehow, this story is leading you to accept Jesus, as your Lord and Savior, find someone to lead you in a prayer of acceptance, then find a good Bible preaching church.

If you were a victim like I was, and this speaks to you to get help; contact the rape and abuse center. It’s not your fault that you were molested. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are not gay if you were molested by an older boy or man. The cycle of abuse can stop with you.

I don’t want your sympathy or to be judge. I just feel that there maybe someone who needs to read my story. If it can help someone or lead someone to the Lord, more power to God. By the Amazing Grace of God, I am saved.

There is help and hope for you too!